The other side...

Thriving on self medication
Living through the ticks of clock
Watching time rush by
as blaring music rip my liqour sodden ear drums
completly lost and yet profound
I am the feeling that was banished long ago
and yet here I am to make that hollow noise
to revive that numb sensation
to reap guilt and agony in heart.
In heart that declared itself cold, long ago.
No string attached, free and yet chained
chain of thoughts, chained to memories
and gaze fixed on void.
I am about to leap, to the other side
not for the green grass
but to escape.
this feeling and this world
because, sometimes,
blaring music and intoxicated thoughts
are not enough
to shut the echo of grieving past.

Long way!

Come long way
brawling, crawling
singing song
just trudging along
holding hands
suckinng thumbs
licking chalks
inflating gums
ignoring life
ignoring pain
splashing mudholes
dancing to rain
wiping tears
fighting fears
monsters under bed
monsters inside head
love and hate
hate for love
squakking crows
the peaceful dove
friends and foes
sodden toes
secrets and locks
bunny socks
laughter and cries
those inumerous tries
courage and will
life so still
climbing trees
bleeding knees
summer trouble
winter school
homework fear
swimming in pool
melting ice
burning spice
urges and wishes
noise of broken dishes
life long vows
stupid t v shows
first love
first heartbreak
questions of life
all give and take
come long way
singing that song
look up to him in sky
and keep trudging along!

Friends?

Who said they'll cover for me?
who said, they'll keep a lookout?
they have a hard time calling me up,
why would they chin me up, when I pout?

Who said, they'll stay by my side?
who said, they'll rescue when I sink?
they were laughing with me until yesterday,
when it's turn to cry, they are gone in a blink.

true friends, is just another oxymoron
apparently too good to be true
when you are knee deep in quicksand
it's no one, but only You!

Shooting Stars!

Wake up everyday to be your own inspiration
Walk that line of your deemed aspiration
Shut off the voices that call you to quit
Ignore that orthogonal scorn, by absolute twit
Strive to make your way, if you want to know
Yes, you'll need to shine, If you want to glow!
To suffice all needs, it's you who need to cater
rem., only shooting stars to ground, will make a crater!

10 finger and eternal years!

Abandoned by the shore, for years,
left bobbing up and down in tears
living in a black hole of faith
with 10 fingers and eternal wait.
Learning to live by words and rhyme
stumbling against the tides of time
you have come again maybe for season or reason
yet nothing but to rehearse forgotten treason.
effacing past now you want to erase the lines
that kept me going, through all these times.
thats more than you can ask and I can give
to someone, I could've died for. But now I want to live.
life has done enough, to pile-up all this hate
like, only 10 fingers to count and eternal years to wait!

Hopes that died in vain!

Walls of time in my mind,
Incarcerating what I have to say.
Frigid cold white heart,
Enslaving love night and day!
Besotted weary eyes,
Hide the sorrow and pain.
Jeeringly contrived smile,
For hopes that died in vain.

Bottle of alcohol!

I am just another Bottle of alcohol,
existing to drown someone's pain.
Ostentating myself, up in vanity,
I would sublime the insane from sane.
Dressed in frigid dress of ice,
longing to see myself, run down the veins.
Incoherent truth, blabbered in impulse,
breaking guilt free, of it's eternal chains.
Finally am Abandoned empty bottle of alcohol,
smashed to ground, into million tiny bits.
As now I am just a piece of curved glass,
which twist the reality, into a shiny glitz.
Killing reason and mind, while I lived my life,
now I'll exists to bruise the barefoot flock.
Step on me, to bleed and limp once again,
while I leave you staggered and unable to walk.

It's not you, who would finish me, It's me who would eat you away slowly! [evil grin...]

The Senile Smile!

Yearning for freedom, waiting to be free,
To let myself ooze, and to let myself see.
Eating amber glow of sun, from dusk to dawn,
I am a endless ocean, that spreads on and on.
Hiding whole world inside me, waiting to be unfold,
Crashing against the cliffs, so indurate and cold.
Have waited too long, in shackels of hope,
Just to discover,other, abondoned end of rope.
No string attached, now finally I am free,
To let myself out, and to let myself be.
Stay away agony, get lost in vain!
Cause I am that senile smile, that spawed from pain.

Imprints of time...

Memories are like quicksand,
You sink as you try to claw.
Futile energy that you spend,
Is nothing, but the only flaw.
If you stay frozen in time,
refusing, to move along.
Stuck in same mould of mourning,
Stuck by the same old song.
You'll get nothing, but the pain,
With nails of past, piercing through
New, timeless memories, getting lost in vain,
To find one day, you are lost in too.
Give Hourglass it's deserved chance,
Wait for all the sand to funnel through.
Not only you'd surface up unscathed,
Time will see, that you heal up too.
Life goes on and so it will,
But you have to live, to tell the tale.
Of your love, that time couldn't kill,
Of your love, that time couldn't fail...

Yet...

Why do we have to make hardest of choices?
Why do we snub, anguished inner voices?
How do I stop this fight of mind and heart?
HYow can I sawllow reality, while it taste so tart?
Why do I have to live with a guilt of wrong?
Why would I pretend to overhear, my fav. song?
How can I tell, I won't regret this years later?
How can I just accept, what my fate, seems to cater?
Why am I so lost and lost again, like never before?
Why can't I just let someone else through that door?
How am I going to get over a feeling so strong?
How am I going to keep these hopes alive, alive so long?
yet
I know I'll make hardest of those choices.
And yes I'll snub once again, all inner voices.
Heart will be down on knees, mind will prevail.
Reality will be gulped down, efforts no avail.
Maybe I'll live and guilt will just fade away.
While I still hum that song, each night and day.
Regret lasts lifetime; and so will this one be.
Accepting my fate with whatever, life has for me.
Lost is just a word; it's path to what destiny hold.
Someone will knock that door again, to a heart so cold.
Feelings are like frangrance, they grow old with years.
And it's only hopes that I'll live by, to dispel my fears.

Flimsy Line Of Smoke

Faril trail of smoke from ciggrette end
Thats what I am today
Result of someone's life wasted on me
and mine wasted on theirs.
We are poision to each other,
yet addicted;
and meaningless without each other.
Sounds so incoherent.
But, madness and obsessions are never sane.
Fretting and insane, I am looking for an escape
I am trying to dream, beyond my madness
help.
I guess, it's too late.
Kill me. Anyway, I'm going to consume myself!
Adieu carefree world. See you in hell...

Nothing Left To Say...

Eyes, fixed on nothingness
because there's nothing left to see
mind wondering about, time I have left
as there's nothing more, I'd want to be

wandering around in same old circles
counting eternal time, each night and day
It's not that, my lips are sealed with vows
It's just that, today I have nothing left to say

Reason

When empty heart takes over mind,
When drapes of insanity turns me blind.
And i am hanging on hopes just by the seam,
You are my reason for everything I dream.
You are my reason for living through days,
You are the reason for my crazy ways.
You are my sunshine for morning so bright,
In darkest hour, my eternal light.
And then you are not just a reason anymore,
But my "smile" itself, which widens more and more.

Here I come...

Adieu, my insane soul.

All holes healed
all regrets forsaken
all mistakes forgiven
and no offence taken
I stand here to begin new story
standing grinning amidst my dreamt glory
I shall begin again, once and for all
Not crippled by fear, not afraid to fall.
Ready to evince the power of "One"
hold on crazy world, here I come!

Momentory Lapse Of Reason....

Am just old confetti on the floor,
Nothing, but a ripple on the shore.
Rolling tear of that hapless fate,
Abuse of that incessant hate.
Rubber smell, of a black skid mark.
Keyhole view of that world so dark.
Flimsy line of smoke in soot sky,
Pain fused, in that imminent sigh.
Cold heart, behind that brutal face,
Frigid feelings, trapped in empty case.
I am sweat of that wasted will,
Just a scratch, by a dried up quill.
Endless war of heart and mind,
I am that lost; precious find.
Wounded bird's broken flight,
Reason for a crippled's plight.
Crunch of dried twig in the autum season,
Stupor of that hated treason,
I am your momentory lapse of reason.

Kill me, or I shall consume you.

You...

Sleep, where have you gone?
Pain, will you break with dawn?
Hate, will you die with me?
Greed, why do you have to be?
Anger, will you eat me hollow?
Hope, can i just follow?
Boredome, why do you just lie?
Insanity, will you ever die?
Sorrow, why are you still here?
Obsession, why do you still care?
Reality will you bite again?
Dreams will you be lost in vain?
Fears will you stop screaming?
Strengths will you ever start teaming?
Love, why were you ever born?
You!! did you come; just to be gone....?

Someone, Rescue Me. Please...

I am Back!

I want to be liberated
but I am not waiting anymore
living life by my own rules
I have finally spotted the door
Dear soul, I am on my feet again
looking up to a good life,
let fears, rot in pain
Hey World! I am back
For good, for revenge
As I sway in dance of glory
stay put! I'll make it big soon... :-D

Goodbye!

Time is running out,
When I see how far still.
Feelings build inside,
While I am stuck by this quill.
Time is mocking,
As I seem to loose.
And haunting sound of hollow laugh,
As I decide what to choose.
Choose, one I have loved,
Over and over again, just to let go.
Or the ones who loved me forever,
With all obligations and things I owe.
Time has come
And it'll come again
To let it go
And to let it be.
To be so,
And to let love see.
See through time,
And see through me,
To crumble inside,
Yet live to be.
Cause it won't die,
Now or ever.
And no matter how I try,
I'll still love forever.
Time has come,
To make that choice.
With dwelled up eyes,
And dampened voice.
I've chosen to slay,
My love; because it's mine.
And light up those wrinkeled faces,
while they buy their time.
AS I let go,
My heart feels mauled.
Now nowhere to go,
Finally time has stalled.
~Goodebye.

Autum Of My Life

The autums of my life
have never lasted
but then
they never end too

No matter what I am bestowed with,
in the end
I still hate
what I am going through

It's not the love
i desire
It's not attention
I beseech

It's mere acceptance
that I crave for
and it's just friendly gaze
that I need.

Can you give me that?
Maybe not..
Will you ever be there
Maybe never

Just walk down
that paved path of your life
while I hunt mine
now and forever

This is another autum of my life
I look dead but I am not
maybe it's those last dangling leaves
but thats still something, I have got.

Don't ask me ever again
how I am taking the pain
because if you really cared
you wouldn't take so long, to ask again.

The Show

The devil in me has something to say...

---

I think she wouldn't care enough,
I think, I wouldn't dare enough.
It's depressing when illusion is over,
You are nothing but a four leafed clover.
Just a bunch of chemical reactions worth dime,
Happening to stop, in any fraction of time.
It's absolutely infuriating to feel this way,
Lost and helpless, with not much to say.
God chose you with impulse or much muse,
Or probably because you were of no use.
Doesn't matter, because as his puppet you are born,
And as long as he enjoy, the show must go on....

---

F.U.B.A.R

lock yourself up, else you won't make it
keep it to yourself, this world can't take it
smile if you can, else please try to fake it
just deal with reality, don't try to rake it

now is not the time; you are alone
don't wait anymore, they are gone
chill is not in the air, but in your bone
it's bells of omen, not your phone

you aren't dreaming, wake up dear soul
I am in agony, because there's still a hole
as all the otiose time goes by, just let it roll
cause life's a torn shoe and you?? just battered sole!

lost and wandring we have come so far
all the dwelled up tears are just at par
save them for re-use, in that glossy jar
cause eyes will dry up, as my life will go FUBAR.

Want...

i want, but i cant ... let go
i want, but it cant ... be so
i want, but you won't ... let it be
i want, but I won't ... let me see

You want, but you cant ... say so
You want, but it cant ... just go
You want, but i won't ... let me be
you want, but you won't ... let it see.

what are we doing to ourselves? Or is it that i am just dreaming? Wake me.. or worse still, let me sleep.

God and Satan

The bright blue fire
The burning flames
and my burning feelings
with manipulative games
magical potion of love
that never cease working
scattered random thoughts
with apprehension lurking
times when i'd kill her
times when i'd kill for her
can't live with, can't live without
can't stand her smile, hate that pout
words repeated, and things never told
insane. have Never been so cold.
I love it. Frigidness and punch-drunk
call what may; man, bloke or punk
lost, dazed with scatty smile
am both, god and satan. wise yet senile....

Life has paid off..

it's a wierd mind full of scum,
sore, blistered; absolutely numb.
in there, you still talk to me
but not what it used to be.

i am hoping you make my wishes for me,
i plead to god, as he just sits and see.
but nothing better than praying empty skies,
as if in void; floats cloud made of lies.

how i wish someone would listen me, too,
and someone would help, see me through.
but seems like i have finally gone mad
and life has paid off, as it go worse from bad.

Swimming in Tears

i am just another fish in bowl, alas!
swimming in circles, always hitting the glass
incarcerated for life, away from hope and dreams
all i hear is, water bubble, through agonized screams.

with beady eyes, as i gape at blinding lights,
vibrant colors and those breathtaking sights
i live, mundane life, amidst my fears
water long dried, i now swim in my tears.

Waiting...

i kept waiting
you never came
and still all this love
what a shame....

Time to go!

Help!

drapes of ignorance
pulled over mind
i fumble for my chance
as i stumble blind...

help me..

Dedicated to GOD.

dedicated to :: GOD

who stood by me
then, now and always
who always helped me see
through darkest of my days
don't believe he's divine
but just a slob like me & you
one who often crossed the line
and then needed "us" to see him through ...

I fogive you. But i still don't know what to do? :-D

Wish I could write like that...

Friends...

The cheap lunatics with ideas as crazy as they are,
Pouring wickedness all the way, keeping dull days real far.
and yet when you are caught to be spanked on your only butt,
They will shove in theirs too, with all the in-comprehendible gut!

Billowing with madness no matter, stoned or sane,
Sticking up a smile, even when they wince in pain.
Good with words, to pull off even worst, with their wit,
So that you don't look like a dork; while u just ate the grit.

Teetotaler, sad, sick, sadist with raunchiest of joke,
Or eccentric, egoist, dullard and biggest of all bloke.
No matter who and what they are, you just can't look down on them
‘Cause they were the one, who kept you hanging; when whole world gave a DAMN!!

Atomic Sauce

Sometimes it's atomic life with saucy moments,
And sometimes saucy life with atomic elements.
But, do i care, whether mine is wretched or bliss,
All i love is solitary world, marked by territorial piss.

As that truly amazing sound of pouring vodka, hits my ear,
I hang on to all the good things, miles away from fear.
With drums, guitar, bass and smoke, i sit alone galloping in dark,
And reciprocating world of happy memories, act as momentary spark.

In freckled frenzy as i cease to think,
Staring into void; probably, I forgot to blink.
Lunatic smile engraved, protuberantly on face,
I feel dazed and blurred, dwelling in euphoriatic place.

It never last and i know it never will,
Blotching & fading away, like ink in old quill.
Yet i have learned not to fear with lot less to care,
Cause it's just senile life; using gas to douse the flare.

And out of rage, relish and all the love and hate,
Served neatly, all i see is; insanity in my plate.
Staring emptiness; eyes sparkling with glint and gloss,
Once again, i feel triumphantly insane, dripping in atomic sauce...